Thursday, April 15, 2010

the modern man's guide to the rights of women

The state of the world really is poor. So many men out there just do not know how to behave around women. As the fighter for equal rights i really and truly am i feel it is my duty to take up yet another cause for the benefit of mankind. I will enlighten all these sad and sexist hogs. I call these helping guidelines "The modern man's guide to the rights of women." You my fellow man would do well to learn these simple guidelines well prior to your next encounter with a woman

Article 1. General guidelines

A. Remember your place
A man should always remember when he is around women that he is just a man. They are women and as such deserve your adoration, aid, dedication, honesty, best manners and testicles.

B. Remember that you are wrong
We might as well face this straight away. Women are ALWAYS Right. They are right regardless of what they are saying or how they present their position. To even suggest that these things are relevant is to misunderstand, they are not right because their statements correspond with reality but because reality corresponds with their statements.
Addendum: You might at times get the odd sensation that a woman has made a mistake. Don't be afraid. What is occurring here is not as it might seem a woman being wrong, it is merely your small male brain that is incapable of grasping her perfect logic. You should not contemplate this further as it might lead to unnecessary headache.

C. Do not try to lead if a woman is present
In correspondence with guideline B article 1 a woman is always the better leader. Due to their ability to be right, ALL THE TIME, they are also the better leaders. It is completely relevant that you are incapable of seeing how shopping could possibly solve the problem of the enormous phone-bill having remained unpaid. If you feel any unease with this i refer you to the addendum to guideline B.
Addendum: This guideline is particularly relevant to corporations. When assembling a board of directors the minimum amount of women should be 90 percent as they make no mistakes and lead far better than any man could regardless of how qualified he might seem to your limited male mind. A single man should be included though, this is done in order to ensure that if any difficult math or reading is required to make a decision it can be performed at need. This last part is absolutely vital.

D. Perform your duties
The more equal sex cannot be expected to perform menial tasks such as opening jars, driving a car without crashing, protecting themselves, moving furniture or taking out the trash. Because of this it falls to us, the less equal sex, to serve as waiters, chauffeurs, human shields and slaves when the need arises. This is the main reason why women in certain countries are not expected to perform military service, they are much too valuable to be lost in martial conflict. Men however should, each and every one, report to your local military for training.

E. Respect their fight for equal rights
Women's struggle for equal rights is the most noble thing any person could possibly commit themselves to. No thing you could possibly be involved in is even remotely as important as this. You should leave whatever you are involved in immediately and without question to help if you are called on to do this by a woman. It doesn't matter if you are putting out a fire or saving kittens, you should readily lay down your life for this cause if even remotely necessary. Always remember that all sexes are equal but women are more equal than others.

To be continued...

Big sister is watching you

-MR. Amsus

No comments:

Post a Comment