Sunday, July 18, 2010

The Hard Knock Life

Unfortunately I have been distracted from my duties as a public informant these past two months. But fear not, I shall make up for my absence in a blaze of desperate bad entertainment (replacing the well-known and loved university level education i have hitherto regaled you with) clawing at the air to avoid falling into the pit of obscurity now that my readers have ceased reading me.

Ok, apology over let's get back to explaining and complaining about the world.

you see these past weeks I have been travelling the world doing research for my thesis on modern smartassophy which I am currently writing in between educating the masses on this blog. The document is currently some 8000 words so shant bother you with the whole thing but rather continue my time honored tradition of being short and to the point. Therefore i shall give you some bullet-points of what I have learned through painful experience on my recent trips to a music festival and subsequent trip wandering the Corsican mountains. They are listed below in no particular order.

-- live pikachu are a poor choice for headwear during thunderstorms

-- flip-flops are not appropriate footwear for mountain climbing

-- one should bring more than one pair of socks on a weeklong mountain climbing trip

-- A seventy pound roll of toilet paper is simply useless on a mountain top

-- there is no need to bring a copy of Monty python's life of brian to a poetry reading

-- wearing more than seven sombreros to an indoors Shakespearean play will tend to rile the audience behind you

-- while tiaras might look nice they are impractical when competing in a head-nodding contest

-- they do not let you bring medieval lances on an aeroplane

-- the corsican national mascot is a black guy with a white ninja headband

-- an iron maiden is not a cozy place for a picnic no matter how much ant repellant you've brought

-- Mario is more famous than i am

I'm back baby